Attempted Suicide?: Yes, but lazily.

Suicidal Now? Think about it a lot, but I’m too lazy to try. I think.

Do You Want To Feel Better?: Uh yea. Well…sorta. There’s a mindset that I’m in to convince me that feeling this crappy is good. It’s like… Humanity is born with a certain amount of “happiness” & “sadness”. Like on a 1 to 5 scale. The average is 3, but some people are born with 5, which leaves another person left with 1. So I think… if I’m a 1, that means someone else got my happiness. And if that’s true, at least they’re happy. I don’t think I would mind suffering if I know someone is getting happiness from it… Or is that a bit masochistic/altruistic… My philosophy right there haha…

Currently Seeking Help?: Actually today my mom caught me crying again & she said she was going to get me a doctor’s appointment. So I’ll probably be given medication & a therapist to see I think…

How Long Have You Self-Harmed?: 7/8 years.

Methods Of Self Harm: Cutting is what I usually do & consider self-harming to myself. But I realize that I also scratch up my arm, hard, until it leaves red marks. I haven’t considered it self-harm, but I’m pretty sure it does. And I also pull out my hair, first I thought it was just a dumb habit, but I guess some people would consider it a form of self-harm.

Do Others Know You Self-Harm?: My parents. But I’m pretty sure they think I’ve stopped. And one of my best friends. And I think he thinks I’ve stopped too.

Do You Want To Stop?: Yea. I don’t do it often though. The last time I’ve done it was like 2 months ago. But at that time I cut myself like 5 or 6 times. Idk. Have scars now. So I’m getting better at the distance between each time.

Ever Been Hospitalized? Nope.

One Thing You Hate Most About Yourself?: Gr…one thing? Uh… my stomach I guess. I have a chubby tummy.

One Thing You Like Most About Yourself?: I like that I’m pretty level headed… That I think things out very well (apparently not enough to stop self-harm…) & that I don’t drink or do drugs.

Like Your Family?: Sure. They’ve done nothing to make me think otherwise.

Do They Support You?: Uh, yea usually. But I usually don’t do things that I would need the feel of support. Mainly just school.

Do You Have Friends?: If you mean the actual definition of friends, then either 1 or none. 1 if i stretch the definition a tiny bit.

Use Any Drugs?: No. I don’t need to.

Do You Drink Alcohol?: No. I don’t need to.

What Would Make You The Happiest?: To be honest, I don’t know. It used to be marching band & music, but now it’s kinda meh & I don’t care… It used to be video games, but whenever I turn on my gamecube or ps2 I just stare & then shut it off, not interested. It used to be TV, but then I realized how non-entertaining most of the shows are for me. It used to be drawing, but I couldn’t find my style so I gave up. It used to be reading, but after a while I don’t want to look at words. It used to be traveling, but I hate the feeling of being a tourist. It used to be learning, but then I started to become discouraged by how hard it is to be a psychopharmacologist or an astrophysicist. It used to be dressing up, but then I would look in the mirror & think, “Nice try, go put on a fucking tshirt & shorts, you ugly cow.” But now it’s lying in bed with the covers over my head & fantasizing about a time before all of this or perhaps a time further into the future when this all ends, or maybe just collapse in unconsciousness of sleep for a while to escape it all or maybe forever.